= BUNNY ALERT! =
(9 June 2009)

Due to myownself being ill from one damned thing after another for over 7 weeks now, and a hell of a lot of Big on my plate, I decided I need to limit Bunny Club members to just 5 for now.
 
Unfortunately, the last spot has just been taken, but the good news is that I am saving one for Neil and he hasn’t contacted me so I may well have another if I chicken out and don’t email Lorraine and ask her why Neil is radio silent (well, um, his Dad did die and all, argh). So, I promise to do a wait list, and I promise to get back functional a.s.a.p.—you all know how I am…run off to Paris, get sick, have a crisis, go survival camping (note to self: Never Go in Bear Country Again, Even Armed With a .40), hare off in the sidecar rig with Jenni, decide that the day is best spent lying in the garden putting fresh-picked strawberries in my champers—and generally not making Bunnies. But they do get there eventually, and Bunny People never bounce a single check and are AWESOME, and send me such great photos of nieces gleefully clutching tentacled cats and the like—just when I am ready to swear off the job, someone sends me a story about carrying a 2-headed rabbit up the wedding aisle or something and I have another g&t and start fitting wolverine jaws into a panda. Such is my life. That and trolling Ebay for human fingers. Like you do.

=Had this been an actual emergency, it would be on the TV and not here, you silly gits!=

Something dreadful in the mail each month to brighten your life. I encourage you to have them delivered to your office. One gal called it her Happiness Rent: she imagined her rent was $50 more, but she got a box of happy every month. Heh. She also made a 2-headed white rabbit costume, so she rocked.

$50 per month, plus shipping. Special occasion requests accepted. Gift subscriptions a specialty (see below).

$50/month

* The Fine Print

I do not make the same Unfortunate Animal for everyone each month, oh, no. I look at each person’s emails, and I think of all the clues I have about them: name, address, handwriting if I have a sample, email style, any hints of personality I am given. I make sure they will not get the same colour or style each month, and, finally, I listen to the rabbits and make a wild guess as to which thing to send them this month—then I go out and make it. The same care is taken in wrapping, and with the notes. I have sent whacked things on a whim only to hear back that it was the most perfect thing ever. Don’t expect miracles, but know that this is NOT a flower-of-the-month where in June everyone gets roses: this is the real deal, where I strive for certain expressions of the face and nuances of limb-twisting on an individual basis.

You can opt for a lower-priced option, down to as low as $5. The levels are $5 (plus shipping), $25 (plus shipping), $40 (plus shipping), and $50 (plus shipping), and you prepay the number of months you desire.

Explanation of what you get for the various price levels:

$50 (plus shipping) per month is for a full Unfortunate Animal Club membership subscription for three months or more (less than three months, add $5 per month), with special wrapping and note. The wrapping may not be COMPLICATED, but it will not be normal, either. Sometimes it will be terribly involved, sometimes not. I will also ponder any clues sent to me about the receiver's personality, and send a creation individually made just for them. Your animal will most likely be a bunny or a bear, but might be a cat, dog, bird, fish -- anything, really... You can choose AGAINST types and colours (e.g., "No pastels, no aliens, no penguins. Penguins freak me out!"), and if you are rabid for something do mention it (e.g., "I collect monkeys, and I love dark dark colours").

$40—The same greatness as the $50 level but with no special wrapping or note, and without matching the critter to the person. Your other option is that for $40 you can have a $25 level animal, but WITH the full wrapping and notes.

$25—These will be made of leftovers, or will offend me in some way, or will just not turn out right but I couldn't bear to turn the little things out into the streets. OR, if you are that sort of a freak child, you can always order the $5 level with the full wrappings and notes, though, frankly, the poor animals might have some awfully strange things to say….

$5—I will send you some mismatched eyes, or maybe a torso, or a set of arms. Who can say? I will literally just look around and stuff in bits that come to hand. Shipping is just $1 as I will use an envelope. Yes, people do order at this level. I have heard tales of folks trying to assemble parts they have received at the $5 level to construct their own Unfortunate Animal. NEW!! Send $5 for shipping and I will send you an entire box of random bits to cobble together in fine Mad Scientist form! I have a great girl who is on her 4th of 6 months at this level, and I've already seen one fabulous creation. You go, girl!

Shipping:

Shipping is done at cost. Domestic is currently $5. For shipping outside the US, use USPS.com to calculate 1-pound Global Priority to you, and add that to your payment. Generally, Canada is $8, and other countries $9 to $11. Oh, and as a goodie to those of you shipping overseas (because I know it is so spendy), I will throw in some wrapping and a special note with your critter, on the house.

P.S.   Gin is still a perfectly acceptable payment/cost-covering option (and bribe), but please remember that you can’t send it via the U.S. Postal Service.

Payment options

Please send Check, Money Order, Cash at your own risk, Euros, or a polar bear skin rug to:

Cat Grey
2205 SW 309th St
Federal Way   WA   98023-7823

Do NOT try to visit me there, it’s a dedicated address and not a storefront!

Paypal

All Paypal payments go to:

Email with any questions. Don’t drink soap! Dilute! Dilute! OK!

NOTICE!!!

It has come to my attention that more often than you would think, folks are opening a box to find a hairy or furry bundle and assuming it’s their creature. Unwrap it, fellas!! When I say the wrappings are odd, I mean sometimes you have to cut the bear right out of the clutches of odd things… if it’s not DEFINITELY an animal, keep looking. And always examine those critters for hidden features, sometimes they will mutter or sing when pressed. Leave no safety pin pinned! If, after reading this, anyone liberates a beast, please email your tale to me—it’s happened twice that I know of… for all I know a dozen of you have been silently fuming and cursing my name because you received a THING instead of your six-legged goat or whatever.

Sorry for the delay…

To anyone who has emailed me to place an order and hasn’t received a reply: I am slowly wading through all the email. I appreciate the patience, but I would also encourage anyone who feels they have somehow fallen through the cracks to please email me again. It could very well be that my oh-so-efficient spam filter has shuffled you off into the rubbish. Especially in the unlikely event that you used the word VIAGRA in the subject line.

Here are some examples of the styles of Unfortunate Animal:

Remember that every single critter is hand-made, so what you get won’t look exactly like what you see above. But it should at least be in the ballpark, depending on how many G&Ts I’ve had that night. There are many other styles that I’m forgetting at the moment. I still need to go dig around and see what else I’ve made over the years.

Special requests will be treated as a commision and not a standard Unfortunate Animal. I can do Unfortunate Animals in greater numbers for wedding gifts, baby showers, birthday. Eventually, I would like to have a baby page, but for now know that I have made a mobile of singing, rotating knives and a polar bear fitted with bear jaws and claws (and music), a two-headed white rabbit in a top hat, and many other joys. You have but to ask.

MORBIDITY RATING:

When ordering an Unfortunate Animal, please give me the number of “skulls” you wish your critter to be rated at. The available range is 1 skull (slightly twisted) to 5 skulls (sick).

How Unfortunate is enough, and what is Too Much? Use this handy guide!

1. It will be actively cute and adorable. Butterfly wings, blue eyes, big eyes, extra-huggable, floppy—it will make you say "AWWWWW…."

2. Not actively cute, not really morbid. Just…wrong. MOST critters are a 2, whether or not they have real animal parts.

3. Definitely something macabre about it, It has moved on to Disturbing. Don't leave it out for normal children to see.

4. OK, things are starting to get out of hand—it now LOOKS unpleasant, like you might not want to pick it up…but it will not be all that bad, really. Illusional blood, not-too-sharp spikes, nailed to a post, that sort of thing. JTHM’s NailBunny would be a 4. Will almost certainly make most people question your sanity in having this thing around on purpose.

5. On top of everything else, it now has something PHYSICALLY WRONG with it. It will smell bad, be sticky, or mouldy. Perhaps it will have sharp spikes or barbed wire on it, or will be covered in cat hair and hay seeds in the hopes that someone will be allergic to it. It may arrive damp, having been soaked in Something. If you order this level, you will get an email to verify it, and a disclaimer is required that it will NOT be given to children, and that you understand what you are asking for!